Monday, March 5, 2012

A lot can change in 9 months...

It's been a while since I've posted and as you can see by the title, a lot can change in 9 months! It's not what you think--I didn't have a baby; I for sure would have blogged about that! Instead the complete opposite happened, I left Alex.

The original idea of this blog was to help me get through Alex's deployment. I was for sure that I would become deeply depressed and down when he was gone, so I thought this would help me cope.

Fortunately/unfortunately after Alex left my life was completely different from what I thought it would be. For once I was happy and it was because of me, not him! Who would have thought?! I CAN MAKE MYSELF HAPPY! I began creating friendships with people, picking up hobbies, and just completely coming out of my shell. So many people would tell me I seem different, happier even. They were right, I was.

I don't want to talk badly about Alex, so I won't go into details, but I am just an entirely different, happier, more outgoing person since I told him I was leaving. I don't and will never regret the life him and I shared. We both learned a lot of things about love, life, and ourselves through each other. I now know what I want and what I don't want and I will NEVER settle for less then I deserve.

Tomorrow I am going to speak with the lawyer to get the divorce process started. It's really scarey and I am afraid, but I know this is what needs to be done, for me. For my happiness.

So here's to me and the beginning of this new chapter in my life. I promise I will start updating more, it's just been a really stressful, hard 9 months!

Friday, June 3, 2011

It doesn't seem real yet

How is that possible? Why does it seem like he'll be there when I get home from work tonight? I guess maybe because that's how it's been for the last 5 years.

Well, we had a nice week together; I wish it could have been longer. Friday we went to King's Dominion and got to act like a couple of kids. Saturday we slept in a little before heading out to a friends house for a BBQ. Sunday we went to visit his family so they could see him before he left. We ate dinner and sat outside all night talking about some really random things, it was nice. Monday was supposed to be the day we didn't do anything; we just wanted to relax and hang out around the house. Of course I got anxious and we ended up venturing out. It was nice to be able to do that with him one last time. Tuesday he had to go in to work to find out what time he was leaving (4:30am yuck!) and to get a few things settled before his final outprocessing the next day. We went to dinner and enjoyed each others company. Tuesday night was the first night I broke down to him. I was trying so hard to be strong, but let's face it, I am a baby. We discussed things no 24-27 year old wants to discuss but I felt like it was necessary. Unfortunately this world is cruel and I wanted to be sure he knew how I felt if God forbid something is to happen. Wednesday was busy, we went to the gym together for one last time and then he had to rush off to go to base to do his final outprocessing. We went to dinner and just tried to act like he wasn't leaving in 12 hours... it still didn't feel real.

Thursday morning at 3am his alarm sounded and it was time. I wanted so bad to look all cute and nice for him when he left, but really 3am? I pulled my hair back and put on a simple cotton dress. He got all his stuff loaded into the car, kissed the dogs goodbye, and then we were off. The entire way he was telling me important things that needed to be done while he was gone. I probably won't remember any of it because I wasn't really there, I was out of it, still couldn't believe he was leaving. We got to base about 4:40am, he had to do somethings as soon as we got there but then we had about 10 minutes together before he had to go. We hugged for probably 8 of the 10 minutes, I told him I didn't want him to leave me and he told me he didn't want to either. He told me I looked beautiful and that he is going to miss me so much. It was time to go and as he was walking away I said "Come back to me!" and he replied with "I will."

I don't even remeber the drive home, I was in a fog. I went straight to bed and slept the next 3 hours straight and then the next 3 hours I was trying to get out of bed. It was so hard, there was no reason for me to get up. I had nothing to do, no one to see or talk to, it was just me. Once I finally got up I tried to keep busy. I trimmed some trees in the front yard, cut the grass, hung pictures in the house, emptied the cupboards and fridge of all the junk food Alex left behind. I ended up talking to Alex around 9pm, it was so nice to hear his voice.

It was really hard getting up and coming to work this morning. I really wanted to stay in bed; would one more day away from work really be that bad? I got up anyways, and now here I sit. I haven't even attempted to start working and I have been here for 2 hours. I have a feeling I am not going to be getting much done today......

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Last weekend until December

This weekend is the last weekend we get to spend together until December!! :( That's such a long time from now!!

We have a few things planned for the next week, luckly after today I am off work until he's gone. Saturday we have a BBQ at a friends house so that will be nice, plus he'll get crabs one last time before he goes. Monday we are probably going to King's Dominion, I am SO looking forward to that!! I love roller coasters AND the water park will be open too! OH! Not to mention they are running a special right now for free addmission for all military ID cards holders! I can't wait to go it's going to be so much fun and fun is what we really need right now!

No matter what we do this next week, most importantly we will be spending it together, I can't wait for it. It seems like it's been so long since we've been able to hang out, just me and him.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The last thing I wanna do....

Is ask my 24 year old husband if he has made an appointment to get his will made....

Sighhhhhhhhh

Is it December yet?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Bad News

Well, like usual the military has changed it's mind. Just found out Alex will now be leaving two days sooner then planned. I know, to a normal person two days doesn't sound like that big of a deal-- I am not going to see him for seven months, it is a big deal.

Feeling bummed out today.....

Monday, May 16, 2011

HeartsApart.org

Okay so now that I got that intro outta the way, I am ready to begin with my first REAL post! :D
This weekend Alex and I had an AMAZING opportunity to have our pictures taken by HeartsApart.org Learn more about them by clicking here: http://www.heartsapart.org/index.php?pid=1 Hearts Apart provides such a great service to our troops and their families. I really think this needs to be more known throughout the military community.

For the shoot we had to drive up to Springfield, PA (about 2.5 hours) but that is nothing compared to what we got from them! We had a 4 hour photoshoot with an amazing professional photographer, Fred (http://www.fredtroilo.com/) that was comprised of over 200 photos, professional make-up AND they print out a bi-fold weatherproof card for Alex to take with him! BUT WAIT, there's more! We get ALL of the photos, yes ALL of the photos-- FOR FREE!

It was such an awesome experience; I really don't know how to thank them enough! We should be getting the pictures back this weekend and I can hardly wait! I will post some of the pics for you to see once I get them, but until then here is a teaser:


I must say, I have one hot husband ;)

PS- If anyone has any tips for this blogging stuff, please send them my way! For instance how to have a link in your post, but not have THE LINK, etc! :D

Welcome!

Hello! Welcome to my life! I am going to give this blogging deal a try while my husband (Alex) is deployed to Iraq for the next 7 months. He hasn't left yet, but will be shortly.

This isn't Alex's first deployment, however; I was with him on his first. I feel really bad because I'm not so scared about him leaving, I am more scared of me being stuck in Maryland for 7 months by myself. You see, I am not from Maryland, nor do I feel like I have any TRUE friends here either. I do have friends, just not the type that I can run and call any moment of the day if I need them. So I feel with him leaving, I am going to be in this big 'ole world all by myself.

I keep thinking of all the things we aren't going to share because he'll be gone and it makes me so sad. Some of the things he'll miss, there will always be next year for, but some of the things we will never have again. Things he'll miss: 4th of July, Ocean City, my 10 year reunion, my 3rd half marathon, my 28th birthday, his 25th brithday, our 5th anniversary, h20, Thanksgiving, among many other things I am sure. All I have to hold on to are the things we will be able to share once he gets back; Christmas, New Years, another amazing week long cruise, starting our family, etc.

It's going to be a long, hard 7 months... Please stick around and help me through....